My visa appointment has finally been scheduled! 🎉
After months of waiting, there’s finally light at the end of my immigration limbo tunnel.
I’m switching to the união de facto visa. The family reunification visa grants residency based on committed partnership or family residing in Portugal. I qualify because I’ve been living with Olly for more than two years.
I shared this with my friend Lucia.
“So basically, you’re getting married,” she said.
I flinched. “Not really. We’re just living together…”
The reaction caught my attention.
Here in Portugal, living together is the commitment. It’s the “real thing.” Marriage is optional and symbolic.
People refer to their partner as marido or marida (husband/wife) without ever signing a marriage certificate. They share a home, a life, and often children. No one questions the depth of the relationship.
In the US, it’s different.
Commitment is proven by marriage.
First you date, then you move in together, then you get married. Without that final step, people start to wonder what’s wrong.
I saw this more clearly after talking with a friend who’s four month’s pregnant. I asked if she would like to be married. (It was relevant to the conversation, not as nosy and presumptive as it sounds.)
“It’s so expensive!” she said. “The hall, the food, the party…”
“You could go to the municipality,” I suggested.
She paused.
“Where’s the fun in that?”
That’s when I got it.
She already has the commitment. The partnership. The family.
What she wants is a big wedding party.
It made me reflect on my own thoughts about marriage.
I was married for 19 years and mostly enjoyed it, even though it never felt quite natural. Was I committed? Yes. Committed for life? Apparently not.
And now, here I am, entering a legal structure that assumes long-term partnership…evidenced by the fact that we already live like one.
While the implication was troubling at first, when I look at it honestly, it’s just describing what’s already true.
We share a bed, meals, bills, challenges, dreams. A life. No ceremony required.
The real difference for Olly in marrying me would be he could have a sexy Italian surname. 😆
So what is a commitment?
Is it a contract?
Or the way you show up, day after day?
I don’t have a neat definition of commitment, but I have noticed this:
We often look for a form to confirm something…instead of noticing what’s already here.
Yours in love and play,
Steph 🐲❤️🔥
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