The Daily Email House prompt for today is, “What makes me irrationally angry?”
It’s supposed to be entertaining and relatable. The more petty my peeve, the better.
But I struggled to write this.
Not because I don’t get angry, but because anger looks different than what the prompt seems to suggest.
#1 – All anger is irrational. It may be understandable and certainly relatable, but it’s never logical.
#2 – I don’t really have a go-to list of pet peeves. Sure, I get irritated. I might bristle when my partner chews too loudly, or roll my eyes when my mother gets lost and works herself into a panic, but it almost never works up into a rant.
But I do experience irrational anger disproportionate to what’s happening. A wave of fury that crashes over me like a tsunami of pure hatred.
It comes out of nowhere for no reason.
In those moments, everything seems to make me furious, because I am fury itself.
It’s probably (hate to say it) hormones. As a woman-of-a-certain age, it happens.
All I can do is put up caution tape and keep my mouth shut to avoid causing damage until it passes. Knowing that it has no reason helps me take it less seriously while I hunker down for a bit, and wait it out.
But it has taught me something:
When something happens that (seems to) make us angry, it isn’t the thing. Ever.
Not the missing bag in the bin because your partner forgot to replace it when they took out the garbage.
Not the person who cuts you off in traffic.
Not the woman pushing her Boston terrier in a stroller who veered too close on the sidewalk.
Anger comes from what we’re thinking. 100% of the time.
It’s a fictional story that feels incredibly real.
Sometimes I just feel angry. Period.
There’s no justification and no meaning. And that’s okay.
It took me over forty years to understand this:
Feeling angry doesn’t mean something’s wrong.
It doesn’t mean I’m broken.
It doesn’t mean it needs to be acted upon or explained.
And it sure as hell doesn’t need figuring out.
It’s okay to feel, it’s okay to express and we always get over it. I can get into a fight, a real humdinger, and when it’s over, it’s just done. We always survive.
Just feel it. Let it burn. At some point it lifts.
It’s resisting anger that makes us more likely to do damage with the explosion. Feeling it without making up a meaning is a relief.
These days, anger visits more often, but it does less damage. And I don’t take other people’s anger personally, either.
What’s something you’ve felt irrationally angry about—whether it was petty, hormonal, or totally storyless?
I’d love to hear. Hit reply and tell me. (No justification necessary.)
Yours in love and play,
Steph
