I hate being rejected.
It makes me feel flattened, beaten down. A ghost without a soul.
I’m the little kid who gets called “brownie” because the teacher calls on her too much, the girl whose crush looks right through her, the woman whose memoir is turned down by a publisher because it’s “not the right fit for our press.”
That’s why my new homework assignment SUCKS.
My challenge is to allow myself to be rejected.
Why would my coach ask me to invite rejection? Well…
I have a habit of wearing a mask in order to please other people. I bite my tongue instead of speaking the truth or pretend to agree when I don’t.
Most of all, I pretend to be someone I’m not because I’m afraid of what you’ll think if you really knew me.
There’s this anemic, fettered version of me hiding somewhere in my solar plexus beyond the light of day. And I can’t let you see it or something really bad is going to happen.
My assignment comes in two parts:
Part 1 – Don’t put on a mask.
My job is to let you see me, to be who I am, wanting what I really want, saying what I really mean. I am to speak and live my truth.
And then…
Part 2 – Don’t back down when you get rejected.
Because sooner or later it’s going to happen. If I go around sharing my real opinions, telling people how I actually feel, and acting the way I really want to act, somebody’s going to get pissed off.
It might be my goofy laugh, my belief that anything is possible, or the way I refuse to think that shame is necessary.
Someone is going to reject me in a big or small way very soon.
And when they do, my assignment is to let them do it, notice it happening, and do nothing to stop it.
Because in that moment there is an opportunity…
If someone rejects me — the real ME being as authentic and opinionated and passionate and weird as I really am — and I hold onto myself, refusing to put on a mask or cover up in shame…
When I refuse to compromise in expressing myself in the face of that rejection, it’s proof that I accept myself.
The rejection of others is necessary for me to know my own self-acceptance.
I’m not sure that’s going to take the sting out, but I’m willing to give it a shot.
What do you think?
