Last week in the IMPACT Creator’s membership workshop, Create & Sell Your Workshop in 72 Hours, I invited participants to give themselves any permission slip they wanted.
“I give myself permission to fail,” one person typed in the chat.
And it got me thinking…
What is the idea of “failure” so scary?
It’s not failing at something that hurts, but when we take it as a reflection of who we are.
I didn’t just fail the test – I’m a failure.
I wasn’t chosen for a TedX Talk – I’m a failure.
The client didn’t hire me – I’m a failure.
The story behind “I’m a failure” rarely gets questioned, and so the evidence of a single misstep gets held up as proof.
For most of my life, I let this fear stop me from trying things. Except I didn’t notice it as fear because it hid behind the belief, “I’m good at everything I do.” It sounds empowering until you realize it really meant avoiding anything I couldn’t be sure I”d exel at.
So I fell for that one, too.
But it’s helpful to remember:
Failure doesn’t mean anything about you.
It’s a judgement about the outcome, and has nothing to do with your worth, your skill or who you really are.
When your Failure Movie plays in your head, it feels real, but it’s just a story. A thought.
All identity is made up, and failure is no different.
If you didn’t have to worry about failure or success, what would change for you?
The Quicksand of Identity
When things happen, it’s no big deal. Break a glass. Bump into a stranger. Miss an appointment.
It’s just what happens.
And then…it takes on meaning about you, and things start to get messy.
Now you’re:
- A clumsy person
- A rude idiot
- An unreliable business partner
Sound familiar?
I bought a banana today. Does that make me a “banana buyer?” Technically yes, at the moment of purchase, but that’s not who I am all the time.
So why do I call myself a “failure” when I fail once? Even if it’s hundreds of times? That still isn’t ME.
I could make up stories about my banana identity, if I wanted to. In fact, I’m sure there are people who do.
“I’m a responsible banana buyer because I only buy fair trade, organic, non-GMO bananas.”
“I’m NOT a banana buyer because I don’t support colonization and the commercialization of our food supply.”
Just like that, “banana buyer” means something about who I am. In reality, all it means is that I paid money for a banana. The rest is fantasy.
Yet many of us cling to identities that hurt us. Like “I’m a failure.” We believe them, get paralyzed, and let fear dictate our actions.
Here’s the truth: these identities are just thoughts. They aren’t true, and they don’t define you.
Stop taking your thoughts about yourself seriously. You’ll take more action, make better choices, and actually enjoy life more.
“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It is not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.
“Most people think that they are what their thoughts tell them they are. One day I noticed that I wasn’t breathing—I was being breathed. Then I also noticed, to my amazement, that I wasn’t thinking—that I was actually being thought and that thinking isn’t personal. Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself, “I think I won’t think today”? It’s too late: You’re already thinking! Thoughts just appear. They come out of nothing and go back to nothing, like clouds moving across the empty sky. They come to pass, not to stay. There is no harm in them until we attach to them as if they were true.” – Byron Katie
If fear of failure is holding you back from creating or sharing your work, it’s time to experiment with releasing it.
Join us in the IMPACT membership where you always have permisson to try (and fail) safely, and experience firsthand that failure can never define you.
https://www.theawakenedbusiness.com/impactinvite/
Yours in love and play,
Steph
If you enjoyed this article, join my daily Wildspire emails list here for more playful and provocative musings on business, being gloriously human and changing the world.
