My first opponent began her attack at 1:13am.
She revealed herself with a nasal whine. I awoke and took my vorpal sword racket in hand, powered by electricity and determination.
Within minutes, the fight was over. Her singed carcass fell to the dresser, announced by my victorious cries.
I closed my eyes and welcomed sleep, well-satisfied.
And then.
A second adversary made herself known. She emerged from the shadows. Stealthy. Patient. Hungry for blood.
Trusty weapon in hand, I advanced. She retreated. I swiped again, still high on my recent victory, confident in my skill. Every time she evaded my attack.
She was wily and mean. The moment my guard went down, she drew blood. First my cheek, then my shoulder.
For hours, we circled each other in a blood-thirsty dance of hunger and fatigue. Predator versus prey.
I wrapped myself in a protective cocoon, and still her proboscis pierced my flesh. My cries of agony and frustration cut through the night air.
“Honey, are you okay in there?” my partner called from the next room.
No. I was not okay.
My electrified racket and the flashlight on my phone were not enough. My huntress training had failed me. My villanous opponent parried every attack, revealing herself briefly in the beam of my light only to dart away into the shadows where I could not follow. Only a viscous whine betrayed her presence.
It was just after 4am when I gave up the fight.
“You have fought well, Miss Keeto,” I announced to the darkness, placing one tired hand outside the protective sheet as an offering. “This meal is well-earned.”
***
Some thoughts are like mosquitoes.
They enter my consciousness, whining, irritating, demanding my attention.
Sometimes I swat them away and they are gone.
Other times – it’s a blood bath. The harder I try to push it away, the more it persists. For we cannot think our way out of a thought, no matter how hard we try.
What is the answer?
If we accept the villainous thought, it seems as if it will stay forever. It feels as if it will win, so we try banish it with the sheer force of will.
The truth:
A thought can only remain as long as we think it. Sooner or later, our attention will shift to something else.
All thoughts pass away eventually. Just like mosquitoes.
And if I’m honest about mosquitoes, much as I profess my hatred of them, it’s not personal. Mosquitoes do what mosquitoes do. They’re drawn to feed, and they bring a singular focus to their intention.
It’s nothing personal.
So it is with thought.
Thoughts are meant to be felt. Then their job is done. It’s only us who hang on, thinking and thinking in a desperate attempt to find an escape, making things worse without realizing it.
Just like with mosquitoes, there is something I can do to bring ease to the presence of uncomfortable thoughts. But it isn’t accomplished by attacking or avoiding them.
It’s getting curious. Noticing how thoughts work, how they come and go.
Staying in the space that remains when they have passed.
And honestly, that would help with mosquitoes, too. I have a lot of angry thinking about them, and my rage sometimes blinds me to the simplest solution.
Relax. It will pass on its own.
Yours in love and play,
Steph
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