I’ve been utterly obsessed with spending a lot of time practicing for my upcoming dance performance.
Today. (!!!)
The last few nights I’ve woken up with “Here” by adjourn repeating in my head, replaying the pirouettes and spins like a mental midnight rehearsal.
At my practice session just two days prior to the showcase, I still wasn’t satisfied with my performance. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say I was feeling a little stressed.
Then this morning, I woke up. And I woke up to something.
I could see that I was trying to do everything myself. Remember the choreo. Control the momentum and spin. Nail the perfect timing.
It’s a familiar pattern: it’s all on me.
Not just in dance, but across the spectrum of my whole life.
It’s a lot of pressure and it sure isn’t fun, which ironically is the whole point of my dancing.
And then I remembered something.
“What if I don’t have to do it all?” I thought. “What if I can surrender to something bigger than me, and let that move me?”
Because I’m made of the universe. I’m made of the Wisdom of the Ages, the same intelligence that spins galaxies.
Surely that wisdom knows how to spin on a pole – and if it does, so do I.
Something shifted.
I felt plugged into a source so vast it took my breath.
And suddenly, more felt possible.
Maybe I could dance the way I hoped.
We all have access to this power, whether we know it or not. Whether we trust it or not.
What if I did?
I brought that with me to my final practice yesterday, and I nailed it.
Not perfectly, but I could feel myself in every move. And it was pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.
And now, on the morning of my performance, I’m noticing the ways life has been caring for me.
The choreography: shaped by feedback and inspiration from three experienced dancers.
The costume: borrowed from friends at the studio.
Hair and makeup: my friend volunteered to do mine.
Without their help, I would have been lost and clueless!
And this morning, washing my hair, I realized I’d run out of my special curly-girl gel.
My phone rang. It was the delivery guy with my hair gel, two days early.
Everything is coming together without my having to “do” it.
Of course, I’ve done my part. But only my part.
The rest is happening on its own.
I am a cell dancing in the body of god.
I don’t know what will happen tonight at my performance, but I do know that the Wisdom of the Ages is walking onto that stage with me. (As me.)
And that’s something.
No matter what, I will enjoy the dance.
Yours in love and play,
Steph 🐲❤️🔥
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