Listen to this on the Wild Creation Stories Podcast here:
Ever had one of those moments when you make a BIG mistake and all you want to do is just roll back the clock and undo it?
That happened to me last week.
I was staying with my friend and she was kind enough to let me drive their new Prius. I backed it out of the driveway at night and…
BAM! Slammed right into the retaining wall.
It was pitch black and I hadn’t seen it behind me. The screech of plastic and metal on stone told me there was damage.
Sure enough, the rear quarter panel had popped out and there were scuffs on the bumper.
I felt stupid, scared, guilty.
Immediately, I started making up stories about what my friend and her husband would say and do, how I’d ruined our friendship, how I couldn’t be trusted.
I felt all the feelings, and it was awful.
I told my friend and she assured me that it was okay. Of course, I’d pay to repair the damage, and it would be alright.
Over the next few days, and especially every time an electric car drove by, those awful thoughts and feelings would come back.
This morning, I received an email from my friend with photos of the damage letting me know that they’d be getting an estimate on the repairs.
All the stories about what a horrible thing I’d done and that feeling of dread came rushing back.
Then it occurred to me that I could use this as a mindfulness experiment.
We’d just completed a trauma release workshop in which we taught participants how to calm their nervous systems and come back to the present when experiencing intense emotions.
What if I sit with this awful thought/feeling combo? What if I let it be there and just notice?
So that’s what I did.
I sat in the cesspool of rotten thinking without trying to get rid of it, and something strange began to happen.
The thoughts and feelings came in waves varying in intensity. The more I actively thought about them, the more they stirred.
But when I relaxed, they moved and subsided.
I found the stillness beneath the agitation of thinking.
In this stillness, it seemed like a good idea to do some EFT tapping on the anxiety. The intensity decreased further.
“What can I notice here that I’ve never noticed?” I asked as I kept tapping.
A wave of emotion moved through my body, bringing tears to my eyes. It was beautiful, and I saw something impossible to articulate.
Through the activities of the next couple hours, I wasn’t thinking about the car accident.
When I thought of it again, there was no feeling of guilt or anxiety.
It was going to be okay.
In fact, I was seeing all the ways this was a positive thing and even — shockingly — something to be grateful for.
I thought of the fun, creative projects it might inspire to raise the money to pay for the repairs. I thought of the opportunity to be vulnerable, ask for forgiveness, and forgive myself.
What if everything is okay as it is?
I’m resting in this now.
And even though inevitably some event will happen to spark some thinking that comes bearing feelings of doubt, sadness, fear, or hurt…
I know that this, too, shall pass, because everything does.
Acceptance is a strange, beautiful gift that changes the world, even when everything stays the same.
What Change Would You Like to Create?
If there’s something you’d like to change or create, it would be my great honor and pleasure to assist you.
Everything you seek is only one thought away.
I’m searching for entrepreneurs on a mission to change the world in alignment with their integrity, passion and lifestyle. No hustle or hype required. 🙂
If this is you…
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This is my free gift to you.
If you’re curious…
Yours in creative play,