You don’t have to “agitate the pain points” of your soulmate client in order to get them to buy.

That’s one way to do it, but it feels kind of icky and negative to me.

I did it anyway for years because it’s what I was taught to do.

My first internet marketing guru (who shall remain nameless but is still respected in the field) taught me that if I knew I could help people it was my responsibility to 𝑑𝑜 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑝𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑢𝑦.

And I believed it.

I thought it was my job to know what’s in someone else’s best interest and get them to choose it…by whatever ethical means necessary.

(The term “ethical” was bandied about, but I saw plenty of examples where this was stretched to serve the interests of the marketer, and I’ve been burned by it personally as a customer.)

So I learned how to agitate the pain points and push the emotional hot buttons of my customers with copywriting. 🤢

The idea was to get them in an emotional state where they re-experience their pain and become DESPERATE for an answer, in the form of, conveniently…me.

I’m not ashamed to admit this now because it’s what I was taught, and my courses and coaching did help thousands of people. At the time, that looked like the right thing to do.

Here are the reasons I don’t personally believe in this approach anymore.

(Please note, I’m not condemning anyone who chooses this route; it’s just not for me.)

I choose to serve clients from an empowered, rather than a desperate space.

I believe that you know what’s aligned for you, and it’s not my job to tell you what that is. My job is to follow my own guidance and show up in a way that helps you follow yours.

I believe that your most aligned choices come from what you KNOW (your neutral inner wisdom) and not what you FEEL (your emotions that change like weather.)

When I deliberately put you in an emotional state, it may actually cloud your inner knowing.

Deliberately creating pressure doesn’t encourage the type of intimate, trusting relationship I desire with my client-playmates.

My soulmate clients respect the wisdom of their intuition (even if they experience doubts) and believe that THEY know what to do. Deliberately aggravating their frustrations in an attempt to make them feel worse doesn’t work on these people because they know they aren’t victims.

I choose to meet those I serve on level ground, recognizing they have every bit as much power and wisdom as I do, regardless of my role. My clients are also my greatest teachers.

And the best reason to ditch this approach:

It isn’t necessary to make sales! Not when you have a clear, specific, potent message communicating the value of what you do so that it’s OBVIOUS to your ideal client.

Despite what traditional marketing may tell us, I believe that people act in the way they believe serves their best interests, based on the information and thinking they have at the time.

When they see the undeniable value of what you do FOR THEM NOW, they will either a) take action now or b) wait until they have the money to do so. And if it’s not for them, they know that, too.

So it’s my job (and yours, if you choose to accept it) to communicate what I do in a way that’s amazingly clear.

Here’s what that looks like:

A clear, potent message that meets your soulmate client where they are now by speaking to the situation they are in and the results they desire.

While it means acknowledging their pain points (“fighting with a partner” or “chronic exhaustion and lack of energy,” for example) it doesn’t require agitation. Simply stating it is enough.


“𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑐 𝑒𝑥ℎ𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑔𝑦, ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒’𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝐼 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑑𝑜 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡.”

“𝐼𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚 𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠, ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒’𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑣𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔…”

It gets attention, no agitation required.

Then, you can show the transformation that’s necessary to get the result or experience your clients desire, and connect it to that magical thing you do.

Inevitably, what your clients THINK they need isn’t what they ACTUALLY need. As an experienced coach or wellness practitioner, you know what that is. So tell them.

For instance:

“𝑀𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒-𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑢𝑟𝑠 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 ‘𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡’ 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑑𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑦 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑓 𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑜𝑚 𝑡𝑖𝑝𝑠, 𝑞𝑢𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑢𝑡𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑠, 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡’𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑠…𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑗𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑐𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑠, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑙𝑢𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡.”

Then, tell them how it’s done. Walk them through the steps with specific examples so that they really “get” it.

Your intention is to give them an aha moment where they start to see what they’ve been missing….which is the thing that you happen to provide. 🙂

And finally, make a clear offer designed to get those specific results with your help.

So the next time a marketing expert suggests that you must use psychological influence and scarcity to get people to buy, remember that you CAN, but you don’t HAVE TO.

There’s a clean, clear and simple way to attract the clients you really desire, no hype required.

On that note… 🙂

I have a beta-program for experienced coaches, wellness practitioners, healers and change-making entrepreneurs to attract their soulmate clients and generate 3-5 leads per week with transformational content and “unmarketing” that’s easy and natural.

You’ll need to be a good writer and/or speaker who already has at least one source of leads, even if it’s not as many as you’d like. It’s priced in the low 4-figures this round with a sliding scale for the right people. Contact me here if you’re interested and we’ll have a chat to see if it’s a match. 

Yours in creative play,