Here I am on my last night in London, sitting on the bed in my Airbnb, with a white robe hanging I’ll never wear hanging on the door and a framed vintage Lucky Strike ad on the wall.
Tomorrow, I return to Portugal. I think. I hope.
Technically, my visa has expired. My residency card isn’t valid anymore.
Portugal’s immigration has extended all expiring visas until October 15th because of the backlog, and my lawyer says I should be fine with Portuguese passport control.
I should be, but there is a risk.
This morning I found myself drawn into a cafe where it turned out the staff spoke Portuguese.
And tonight I ate at a Brazillian restaurant.
Little reminders of the country I’ve come to love. The people, the food, even the language I’ve often been afraid to speak.
I feel grateful for the adventure of coming to Portugal, leaving, and returning again.
When people ask why I moved to Portugal, I usually tell them because the universe told me to go. It’s true, though not with a disembodied voice or a burning bush. It was a knowing that was clear and unmistakable.
“And it worked out?” they ask.
I’m not quite sure how to answer that.
People seem to think that when you follow the flow of life, it means everything works out. You get a Disney-worthy happy ending.
And if things go wrong…well, you must have misunderstood the message.
But that’s not my experience.
I followed the call to Portugal, and life happened. Messy, beautiful, unpredictable life.
I’ve unearthed insecurities I didn’t know I had, faced challenges I never anticipated and grown in ways I couldn’t have planned.
For me, it wasn’t about getting a particular outcome. It was following the flow of life, what I know to do, going where life shows me.
I still don’t really know why.
But when life gives me direction, why wouldn’t I follow?
I make up reasons for things, but I no longer believe them. They just make it easier for my mind to go along for the ride.
What I want is adventure. The kind where I don’t know (can’t know) what’s going to happen. You get to find out.
That’s guaranteed when I let my inner guidance call the shots. And that’s good enough for me.
What had to happen for you to be here, reading this, right now?
Only everything you’ve ever lived through, just as it happened. Down to the tiniest detail.
Isn’t that cool?
Yours in love and play,
Steph
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